I am a brisk young sailor boy, and handsome, I must say -
but being young and handsome is a hardship on my way.
For many a captain I have fled - for though they are not gay,
they think I am some cross-dressed gal and then try me to lay
. Ive gone ten weeks without a bath, Ive let my whiskers grow,
and still those captains wink at me and wish to be my beau.
And ofttimes I have told myself: No more to sea Ill go -
yet end up in some captains arms and set his heart aglow.
Now listen, all ye sailor lads, of all bad things to do
the worst is to set foot upon that ship called Mary Sue.
O drunk I was that evening, as sailors tend to be
when theyve received their pay and spend the night away from sea.
And little did I know that I no longer would free,
when I espied a lovely lassie wink her eye at me.
So back I winked and back I smiled when oer to her I swayed.
She said: »Come join me on my ship, come on, its getting late!«
Gone were the times when captains wished for me to be a maid:
She was a female captain, boys, how did I love my fate.
But women on a ship will bring bad luck to all her crew:
The same applies to everyone upon the Mary Sue.
When I woke up next morning, boys, how did I curse that drink!
The very ship that I was on was worse than one could think:
Her rigging looked like frilled with lace, her sails they were all pink
It was no help to rub my eyes, to bang my head, or wink.
And every sailor I could spy did wear a petticoat
Their hair was curls, their lips were glossed, their blue eyes brightly glowed,
They were all cute, but mostly dead, as I was shocked to note,
and then I knew that I had ended on the devils boat.
Theres but one ghost ship on the main with an all-female crew:
And here Im trapped, a living male, upon the Mary Sue.
Now listen, all young sailor boys, watch every step you take
and be as manly as you can, a loudish, unkempt rake.
Make sure you wear a bushy beard, although it may be fake,
and never ever blush or faint - it for your own best sake.
And as for me, I staid onboard that cursÚd ship instead.
Some still think me a maiden here, some ask why Im not dead,
they should go ask their captain bout the one who shares her bed,
and if we ever get ashore, well find a way to wed.
But dont you think that what I dids a splendid thing to do:
I will not let another man onto my Mary Sue